^^^

My darling girls,

We talk every day about your Grandpa, and the fun we all had when he was here with us; the things he loved doing and the person he was. But I want you to know about some of those moments after he died too. Moments you weren't there to see or will have been too small to remember. Because they're part of his legacy too, and they remind us of how he lives on in us all and in our memories. And they're so important to me.

I want to tell you about one beautiful July afternoon when we spread some of your Grandpa's ashes. It sounds a little morbid, I know. And in all honesty, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect myself as we prepared to do it that sunny day.

But, oh little ones, I wanteyou know that it was beautiful. A truly amazing, heartbreaking, heartmending, beautiful moment that I will never forget. And I'm so glad you were both there. Even though you were so small, and you watched from afar with Uncle Andy, and you won't remember it yourselves.

The pier in St Ives was such a lovely spot to stand, with Daddy and Auntie Dora, Uncle Charlie, Nanny and Grandma and Grandpa Ratty. The sun was so warm, the sky was so blue and the sea was luminous. My Papa would have loved it.

Grandpa's ashes were creamy white and like the crushed shingle you'd find on a beach. As I threw my handful into out over the edge of the pier, into the air and into the sea, and into the world and universe, I told him that we loved him.

And as I threw them they hovered in the air, caught on a gust of wind, and they shone and shimmered in the sunlight before floating up and down and all around.

I'm sure your Grandpa was with me in that moment, I know he was. He was stood beside us, giving us the strength to see the beauty in something so sad and unfair. 

My Daddy. He bought light and beauty to this world when he was alive, and he continues to do so now too.

He will forever and always shine his light on us all, my darlings. Never forget that.

I love you,
Mama xxx